You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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