How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
