You just made me feel so damn special
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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