i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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