Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
