he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
