Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
even my farts smell like vagina
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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