Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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