I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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