I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
