My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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