Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize