East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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