Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
