WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
