Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
sex in a hospital.. check
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
