She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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