normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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