Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize