He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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