Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
