Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize