its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
