I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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