Quick, to the slutcave!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
