There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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