hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
