i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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