I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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