i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
