now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
