i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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