Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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