It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize