was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
