how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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