He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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