The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
