Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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