There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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