so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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