420 ftw
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize