i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
