So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
