I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
