I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
