I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
