so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize