Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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