I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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