i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
