nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize