some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
