he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
