so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize