Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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