I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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