Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
