the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
