Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
