when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
