What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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