Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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