for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
