i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
