Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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