Are we in a gay sports bar?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
