the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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