This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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