If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
