there's paper in my vomit.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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