I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
