I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
